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An Exercise in Active Listening (Empathy & Paraphrasing)

 
“There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest.”
~ Anonymous
 
Communication is a critical part of our everyday lives. Listening to others is a key part of the communication process. Those who have excellent listening and communication skills are usually able to build and maintain solid relationships.  Are you listening to what other people are saying? Do you fully understand the message and what they may be asking of you?  
 
The next time you are engaged in an important conversation, focus on practicing your active listening skills. There are many active listening skills that can be used in a conversation. Start by practicing the two skills mentioned below.  
 
Exercise  
 
  1. Read through the active listening tips on the next page for empathy and paraphrasing.  
  2. Make a mental note of how you would like to practice empathy and paraphrasing the next time you have a conversation.
  3. Set a realistic, achievable, and specific goal for how you will practice these skills. Remember, practicing a skill for 60 days can help turn it into a habit. Here Is An Example Goal:  
  4. For the next 60 days, practice using the active listening skills 
  5. Empathy and Paraphrasing twice a day. While engaged in a conversation, acknowledge how a person feels by showing compassion during emotional parts of the conversation and summarize 2-3 key points made to gain confirmation and understanding of the message.
  6. Each night before going to bed, reflect on the conversations held throughout the day where you used active listening. Record your observations in a journal. What went well? How did the person respond? Is there anything you would change / improve for the next conversation? 
 
Empathy and Paraphrasing
 
Empathy:
  • Empathy is a great skill to practice when you are focusing on active listening. If we listen with empathy, many things are accomplished!  
  • More information is (can be) shared.
  • Emotions are (can be) released.
  • Tension is reduced.
  • A safe environment is created for trust, respect and problem solving. 
  • When we listen with empathy we acknowledge someone’s feelings. Many times we may think a speaker wants us to give an opinion when in reality all they want is for us to understand how they feel.  
 
“Acknowledging feelings” involves looking at the “whole message.” This includes a person’s words, body language, tone of voice and level of emotion. From there, we try to determine what emotion they are conveying and respond back in one sentence the emotion we think they are feeling.  
 
The person will let us know if we get it right or wrong. If they feel we care, they will continue to share and we can continue to listen.
 
Paraphrasing:
Paraphrasing is a key part of Active Listening. It’s about restating the message to help clarify the information spoken to preserve the essential meaning. There are times when paraphrasing uses empathy as a tool.*
 
Try the following tips to help you paraphrase what you hear when engaged in a conversation:
 
  • Repeat key points to build dialogue during the conversation. Begin with phrases such as:
~ What I am hearing you say is…
~ If I understand correctly, you need…
  • Empathize and show compassion during emotional aspects of the conversation. ~ I am sorry to hear about…
  • In closing the conversation, summarize the conversation in your own words and repeat it back to the speaker.
  • As a final step, encourage feedback to gain confirmation.
  • Ask the person to repeat back to you important information that you have given to ensure that all are on the same page.
 
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