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Do you hit below the belt?
Emotions run high and hot when we’re triggered in conversation with others. It may be hard to articulate our feelings when we’re caught up in them. We may resort to behavior that is unbecoming our maturity level and damaging to our relationships. Is this damage repairable? Is winning the conflict worth losing the relationship? Over time the blows we’ve dealt a person may weaken our relationship with them. Why do we go too far and hit below the belt? If we feel pained by what another has said, does that mean we need to return the favor? How does that make us feel afterwards?
Some of us may be more apt to play dirty; others simply throw a bad punch here and there. Why do we do it? Do we assume the other person can handle our jabs? Are we aware we’ve hit someone below the belt? When we’re triggered and working off raw emotion, how can we manage our feelings before firing back? We have the right to feel angry and hurt. Do we have the right to be cruel in our retaliation? Do we view our conflicts in a competitive nature that we must win at all costs? Even if we intentionally try to win, do we intentionally try to hurt the other person? What does it mean to win a conflict?
Imagine... guiding all conflicts to a higher level.
Activity:
Try This - Create a Playbook/Rules of Engagement
Sit down with another person or a group and create a playbook (or rules) on how to handle your conflicts moving forward. Be honest in identifying each other’s general emotional triggers and “hot buttons”. You may want to identify neutral words that one can use to signal to the other that they are in danger of hitting below the belt. Post this list in a common area.
Use it as a set of boundaries to guide your future conflicts to a higher level.
Reflection:
- Have you ever said something in anger or through hurt feelings that you regretted?
- Have you ever hit below the belt?
- How did that make you feel after the conflict was over?
- What kind of damage did it do to your relationship?
- Were you able to repair it?
- Have you ever been the victim of a cheap shot?
"An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind."
- Mahatma Gandhi
“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”
- Will Rogers
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
- Ambrose Bierce