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Do You Stand Up for Yourself?
Whether in conflict or everyday conversation, life presents us with plenty of instances where we feel we could have asserted ourselves more. Whether we fail to see our feelings have merit, or do not wish to make waves with others – we often get intimidated when standing up for ourselves. What can we do to avoid this kind of remorse? What stands in our way from standing up for ourselves?
What does it take to stand up and speak out? How do we do it effectively? Is there a right and wrong way to stand up for yourself? Timing is important. Will our point be heard? Will we be understood? At the end of the day, what are we trying to get out of being assertive? Are we allowing ourselves the opportunity to learn something new about our position or possibly change our mind? Can we assess the situation and decide if the risks are worth the battle? What is our self-esteem worth?
Imagine... having your point of view valued and understood.
From Pondering to Practice
Group Activity:
Try This – A Side / B Side
Choose a fun topic that can have an “A side” and a “B side.” Some examples: Chocolate: Milk vs. Dark, Baseball: Cubs vs. White Socks, Food: Mexican vs. Italian, Seasons: Fall vs. Spring, Drinks: Coke vs. Sprite
Find a partner and decide who will take the “A side” and who will take the “B side.” Spend a few minutes sharing your stance on each side and then switch. If you took a stand for the “A side” switch to the “B side.”
- Practice how you can share your point of view objectively without aggression or emotion. Notice this is about sharing and not about arguing.
- What does this teach us about taking a stand, listening to others and feeling valued and understood?
Individual Reflection:
- What does it look like when you stand up for yourself?
- What stands in your way at times from standing up and speaking out?
- How do you get around these obstacles?
- When are you standing up for yourself and when are you grandstanding?
- What is the relationship humility has to this kind of assertiveness?
“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”
- Raymond Hull