THOUGHTS CAUSE FEELINGS, NOT EVENTS. It’s what we think about what happens that determines how we feel, not necessarily what happens. We have a host of COGNITIVE CHOICES we make that determines how we feel. For example:

1. What we remember about the past
2. What we imagine will happen 
3. What we focus on
4. What we compare things to
5. What we expect of ourselves and others in life
6. How we look at what happens
7. What meaning we attach to what happens
8. How much importance we attach to what happens  

1. What do you want? How do you want to feel?
2. Does the way you look at things now (what you focus on, compare things to, expect, image, etc.) help you feel good about your choices? Do you get what you want?
3. Does it make your life better or worse?
4. Does it make you want to try harder to get what you want, or perhaps cause you to feel hopeless and give up?
5. Does it work for you to look at things this way? (What you focus on, compare things to, etc.)
6. If you keep thinking about things the same way you do now, are you more or less likely to feel the way you want in the future?

1. What, if anything, did the event you described above cause you to remember from the past?
2. Was the past event pleasant or unpleasant?
3. Did remembering it cause you to relive feelings from the past event?
4. Can some of the emotions you experience now be from reliving emotions attached to the past event?
5. An overreaction is said to be an age regression. Could that have happened with the above event?
6. Are there times when you remember events from the past and feel bad?
7. Are there events from the past that you remember that make you feel good?
8. Which do you find yourself remembering more of lately, events from the past where you felt good, or events where you felt bad?
9. Remembering unpleasant events and reliving the feelings is understandable, especially if the present event is similar. Does it help or hurt to remember the unpleasant things that have happened in the past?

1. Sometimes, it’s not what happened, but what we IMAGINE will happen next that we react to. Is there anything you’re IMAGINING now that might happen because of what did happen?
2. Can things you’re imagining actually happen?
3. Realistically, what are the odds the things you’re IMAGINING will happen?
4. Are there other things that could happen besides the ones you’re IMAGINING? Are there other ways things could play out?
5. Are there things that can happen or the way they could play out as likely as the scenarios you are IMAGINING?
6. If you IMAGINED these things instead of what you’re IMAGINING now, would it make a difference?
7. Will IMAGINING bad things happening do anything to help prevent them from occurring?
8. Is it possible that you might IMAGINE bad things happening that never do? Has that ever happened before?
9. Is there a purpose served in having IMAGINED such things and getting upset about them if they never come to pass?
10. Is there anything stopping you from IMAGINING positive things?

1. There’s always a lot of things to FOCUS on in life that happen. What are you FOCUSING on now?   
2. Are the things you’re focusing on now making you feel better or worse?
3. Are there more positive things you could FOCUS on instead?  
4. Who ultimately determines what you FOCUS on?

1. What are you COMPARING things to right now? Is that making you feel better or worse? 
2. What other things could you COMPARE your life to?  
3. Would COMPARING yourself, your situation or your life to these things make you feel better or worse?  
4. Is there anything stopping you from COMPARING yourself, your situation or your life to these things instead of what you do now?

1. What did you EXPECT of yourself, others or life before this happened?  
2. It’s okay to want something. Were there things you felt you WANTED to have before this happened?  
3. Were your EXPECTATIONS realistic?  
4. Were you EXPECTING too much of yourself or others?  
5. Do we have total control over what happens in our lives?  
6. Is it possible that we could do a lot of things right and something still doesn’t turn out the  way we EXPECTED? In hindsight, are there more realistic things you could have EXPECTED of yourself or others?  
7. If you had modified your EXPECTATIONS before this happened, would you have felt better?
8. If you modify your EXPECTATIONS of yourself, others and life from this time forward, would that change the way you feel for better?  
9. Is there anything stopping you from changing what you EXPECT of yourself, others or life?  11) Is it possible to slip back into your old EXPECTATIONS in the future?  
10. How can you prevent this from happening?

1. Remember, it’s not what might happen, but what you THINK about what happens that determines how you feel. How do you LOOK AT what happened?  
2. There are a lot of things that happen that are unpleasant, inconvenient and uncomfortable. Do you find yourself saying that what has happened is awful? 
3. When we tell ourselves something is awful, the implication is that it’s the worse possible thing that could happen. Is what happened or might happen that kind of thing?
4. If we couldn’t stand something physically or mentally, we’d either die or go crazy. Is either thing likely to happen?
5. What do you think it MEANS that this happened?  
6. The way you LOOK AT things now and the MEANINGS you attach to them are understandable. Does LOOKING AT things the way you do and attaching the MEANINGS make you feel worse than you’d like?
7. Is this the only way to LOOK AT what happened, or what might happen?  
8. Is this the only thing it could MEAN?
9. Are there ways to LOOK AT what happened to make you feel better?  
10. Would you feel better if you started LOOKING AT things this way?  
11. If you started LOOKING AT things differently, or attached new MEANINGS, could you slip back into your old ways?  
12. What would you have to do to LOOK AT things the new way and attach the new MEANINGS to what happened?

1. Have you had other things happen in the past that were more IMPORTANT than this?
2. Are there things that could happen that would dwarf this in comparison as far as how IMPORTANT they would be to your life?
3. Are there things happening to loved ones, friends or acquaintances that are a bigger deal than what has happened to you?
4. Will this have a lasting impact on your life? Will it be something you probably won’t remember years from now?
5. With those things in mind, how IMPORTANT is what happened in the grand scheme of things?