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You are 100% responsible for 50% of the relationship
Yep. No more - no less. We are only responsible for what we can control - ourselves. How we communicate in every relationship through word and action is 100% within our power. Now, let’s flip it. No matter HOW clearly we speak and share our thoughts, we cannot be guaranteed our message will be heard the way it was intended. Because the other person has not walked a mile in our shoes and we have not walked a mile in theirs, we may not understand each other’s place of reference, have the same concerns or even want the same outcome.
Many of us spend time making predictions on the intentions and reactions of others. We think we can control much more than we can and find ourselves getting frustrated when the communication breaks down. Why do we think we can control 100% of the communication? Communicating with others is easier and more productive when we release ourselves of responsibility and focus only on relaying our own intentions. Are we doing that? How are we living by those intentions? Cut out what we can’t control and celebrate that the responsibility in our relationships is cut in half!
Imagine... understanding the powers you and others hold.
Activity:
Try This – Chinese Food, Anyone? (Role Playing)
Situation: You’re joining someone for lunch and have a strong craving for Chinese food. The other person doesn’t want Chinese food since they had it last night for dinner. Try different methods of communicating with each other to solve the problem.
- First, take turns communicating as if you are each trying to control 100% of the outcome.
- Next, role play that you are each responsible for controlling only your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
- How did the different role plays turn out?
- What did you enjoy about the outcome?
- Were you true to yourself?
- Would the other person want to go to lunch with you again?
Reflection:
- Think about the relationships you have encountered at the end of a day.
- Did you act with your best intentions?
- Were you true to yourself?
- What did you not share that could’ve helped?
- Did you try and understand where the other party was coming from?
- Can you accept that the outcome was not totally in your control?
“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”
- Epictetus
The Charmm’d Foundation would like to thank Nini Lustig, Executive Director, Lake County Cares and member of Senior Resource Commision, Lake Forest Lake Bluff and Maggie Morales for pondering with us this week!